you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize