This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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