im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
