I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
