got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
