thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The Olympian is in my bed
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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