I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
