I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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