Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
