Buhtt sex?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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