david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize