there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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