Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize