i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
