I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i dont even know how to be here
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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