Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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