just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
