I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
