I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
