oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
