The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
