And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
