I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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