i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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