So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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