Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
