there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
