So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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