Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
