dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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