He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
