bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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