Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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