Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
