Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
