finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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