I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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