she smelled like a LAN party
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
