I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
