dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
