He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
