I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
