I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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