I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
