Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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