dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ketchup is God's man juice
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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