You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im six kinds of drunk right now
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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