i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
