you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
