i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
