I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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