Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
