I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
