You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
