so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
