My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
