Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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