Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
