Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
