dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
