And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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