Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
