Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
