He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Drunk is a universal language darling
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
