I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
