i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize