I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
