apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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