last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
