Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
