Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
