At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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