I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
