She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
