the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
