Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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