its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
