He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
