The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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