the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
