Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
