Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize