Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
