I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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