direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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