My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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