Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
