so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize