the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
