He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
