Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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