for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize