I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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