yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
