I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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