his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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