The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
