Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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