Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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